Sayuri is one of the silently brave ones. While she appears very sensitive and fragile deep within she knows she has her moments of heroic success dealing with things that may create havoc in her life. The only thing she is scared to deal with is heart break. She has dealt with it thrice in the past. And if you think that has made her stronger. It hasn't. In fact she has become more vulnerable but in a smart way.
Sayuri has been in this relationship for the last 4 years. The only love affair that has lasted for the longest. And how she joked about deserving an award for stability..She left her home to join her lover in the Capital city of her country where he resided. She fought circumstance's, convinced parents and herself to move cities ...A job in the capital was just a farce. Lover wasn't..Love is what brought her here. Live in relationships are certainly blasphemous in this country. but Sayuri chose to be with her lover under the same roof not because she loved him madly. But the thought of living under convenience and a home like surrounding was more over powering. After all this was the first time Sayuri had ever stepped out of her comfort zone.
Lover was madly in love. they both made silly mistakes, forgave, loved each other, made more mistakes, hurt each other, forgave each other, made life miserable followed by thousand promises and hundreds apologies. Which couple doesn't fight? Sayuri knew that her life was not very different from any other couple n love. but what made it different was the fact that she was physically abused. Not regularly. But in the last 4 years, Sayuri has been hit 6 times!...
It was definitely not a normal relationship. Sayuri lived in with her boyfriend. They did not believe in the same faith. Their upbringing was drastically different. He is 7 years elder to her. And like normal couples who share the same bed, They barely made Love!...
Strange as the thought is, Sayuri dreaded SEX more than anything else. Not that she didn't crave for it. But because she didn't like the way he touched her. His overpowering hand , his need to rush had made her feel so deprived of the touch that she longed. She yearned for a soft touch touch, for a gentle kiss, for all things much on bed. She wanted to go mad in his arms. But some how couldn't. She failed every time she faked orgasm. She had failed to get the right expression on her face. Anything and everything that happened between the two of them on the bed had soon become traumatising. to the extent that the last time she was hit by her lover was only because she had refused SEX that night.
Sayuri may not be a very romantic person at heart. Every time he hit her she forgave coz she knew that somewhere down the line she prompted him to raise his hand. But on a practical note. Physical abuse is the worst kind in love relationships. No one should raise a hand on someone they love. Sayuri does not have memories of being hit by her parents. Though she does recall being slapped by her father when she was in school when a classmates mother called to complain of a joke that she had cracked on her daughter.
Sayuri has just returned form an Out station trip that she had been to on work. She has returned home only to realise that her partner has gone away to his hometown for a couple of days to find some peace and solace. They were not in touch for sometime after he last hit her just couple of hours before she was about to leave for the Tour..
Close rational friends suggest that Sayuri takes a break. But she does not have the courage to do so. Reason: Her lover was the most affectionate, loving , highly indulging person. He took care of all her needs. So what if he didn't know how to please her on bed and raised his hand on her..The fact still remains that all his positive points fall flat and in vain goes he hit her. he slapped her, kicked her, pushed her in some random direction. Like always she will forgive him. Like always they will get back to normal. And like always they will fight someday and Sayuri will be slapped yet again.
Sayuri is ashamed to get away from this hurt. Reason you ask? Well she is worried of the society who was just waiting for the to of them to tie a knot. they were waiting Sayuri to get married. After all She will be all of 25 this year..
Agonizingly
Sayuri
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OMG!!! You should leave him! You're NOT old! You're a young and beautiful and loving person - you can't let him to treat you this way. Think of that - what if he hit your children??? What if he breaks your arm? If your father wants that for you??? Sweetie think about yourself, your future and your future kids. You can afford to live on your own, you can move out. Sometimes bad things happen for a reason, to push us to see life differently. Sweetie you can be SO happy with somebody else. Believe me. Don't put an unnecessary pressure on yourself.
ReplyDeleteGo and travel, see places, make love with passion - it's an amazing feeling, btw. Forget yourself in beautiful things!!! You're worth it!
You're worth more than your bf gives you! And no your relationship is NOT normal and NOT sane! Wake up Sweetie and run away!
Sayuri,
ReplyDeleteGot your link from MACA's space. I have been married for 38 years and in all this time I raised my hand on my wife only once, that too because she had become so hysterical on something that shock treatment was the only way to get her back to sanity. I have written number of posts on relationships which I request you to visit me and read. OK, so he provides you with your materialistic needs but does it make you accept being a DOORMAT? What will happen in a few years hence when he loses interest in you? In any relationship MUTUAL RESPECT is the first step for healthy relations. You also say that his lovemaking leaves much to be desired. Then what are you waiting for? His kick on your butt to throw you out? If you wish to keep your self respect being torn to bits and be degraded in this manner, go ahead and continue living with him. You deserve to be treated like dirt if you feel this way. Sorry to be harsh but you need to be shaken out of your stupidity.
Take care
Thank You Jack!
ReplyDeleteApologies for a late reply. I understand each and every word you typed above. I am touched by your gesture. Thank You
I have decided to give this relationship one last try. though it seems to be working now, I dont know how things will be tomorrow.
In terms of Physical relations with my Lover. Trust me when I say this they have improved. I dont know what got into him. He is just so passionate. something that I have never experienced before. Never Ever.
Right now I have all my energies focussed on making my life more enriching. I am giving 100 percent to work . and I am giving as much time as I have to Love too..
In my next post I will write in detail about the turn around of things. Hope you will stop by to read it too
Many Thanks
Sayuri
Sayuri,
ReplyDeletePlease do remember you are not alone at all. I hope and pray that things turn out for better and lead to happiness for both of you. I am available should you ever need to speak to. My e-mail id is in my profile and it will be my duty as an elder and human being to give you options but decision is always to be made by you. Even at present things can change for better surely but I can say with conviction only once I know little more.
Take care
Sayuri.....
ReplyDeleteThe reasons you are giving to yourself are not enough to stay back with a person you have mentioned about. Like you can take down all the positives to overlap the trauma he is been causing to you....Have you ever wondered - why he couldn't do so??
I respect the fact that its your life and hence you should decide what to do with it but still you must also not allow someone else to ruin it. You are working and you have age on your side.
Good Luck!